| In Appreciation of a Coach, Mentor and Friend |
Editor’s Note: The author of this article wished to remain anonymous.
Throughout my life, many individuals have affected the way I live my life. Some have taught me lessons; others have been examples and set standards for me to follow. Yet, there has been only one person whose influence has changed me and led me in a path that without him, I do not think I would be on. This man is Jon Kessler, my coach, friend and mentor.
I met Jon when I was 6 years old playing U-8 soccer. He was the second coach I had had in as many years and, quite honestly, I had grown quite accustomed to my previous one. Yet, that season marked the beginning of a remarkable friendship. More than tactical skills, a U-8 coach requires people skills. Immediately he developed a close relationship with the team; I always looked forward to practice every week. His son also played on the team, and my becoming good friends with him enabled my parents to develop a bond with Jon.
For the next four years as my coach, our relationship prospered. He would get the team tickets to Revolution soccer games, and we would go out for pizza after games. All the while, he pushed me to reach my potential in terms of soccer. It was he who first convinced me that I had talent at soccer and that I had the potential to have it greatly affect my life.
With Jon as my coach, my soccer skills grew and I became was one of the elite players for my age group. Yet, my fantasy world was shattered when I was 12. Jon was given the head coaching job at the high school and could no longer be my coach. It was a great letdown for me, and it seemed that the next season was very lacking. However, he called me one day and talked to me about playing up a division with kids two years older than me who were going into the high school.
I was skeptical that I could measure up to their standards. Yet, he prevailed, and I agreed to play on this team. The first practice was nerve-wracking, and I found myself juggling alone in the corner. The kids seemed not only big and intimidating but also the best of friends, part of a circle that excluded me.
It stayed like this for a few weeks, but soon I found that they were much like me. I began to acclimate myself to the situation. By mid-season, I was on the starting team and when the season ended, I knew that my skills had almost doubled. But that this was not the only thing I gained from this experience.
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For the next two years I played with kids my own age, making new friends and enjoying my time. Jon and I kept in touch and I, along with some of my close friends, would always go to the home soccer games. The summer of my freshman year was a grueling one. I was not accustomed to or prepared for the off-season work that I undertook.
Tryouts came, and finally I was able to play for my mentor. I do not believe I ever tried harder than during that week of two-a-day practices. When all was said and done I had made the varsity. One week later came the amazing news that I would be in the starting lineup. We tied the first game 1-1 and from what I remember, I played well.
The season progressed, and I started every game. I would stay after each practice to work with Jon on my defensive footwork – the team needed me to play outside defensive back instead of my previous position of center midfield. He taught me many aspects of defense, ones that I feel helped me more each time I used them.
Still, there was one problem. Many of the upperclassmen believed I should not be on the starting team as a freshman. Most were benchwarmers, but even some of the starters expressed their disapproval. I was young and not mature enough to brush these feelings of resentment aside. It got to me one game, and I felt like every time I had the ball I had to make a perfect decision or everyone would be on my back. I played terribly, and after the game could do nothing but sulk. This is when Jon taught me one of the most important lessons of my life.
Sitting alone and in despair, I did not want anyone’s company or attention. However, Jon came to me and just sat there, not saying a word. I could not take the silence, so I clumsily spit out every excuse for why I had played so badly.
He sat there, looked at the field and then asked, “What do you love most about soccer?” I was without an answer. That season soccer had been such a battle, and I took it so seriously that I truly did not have an answer for why I enjoyed it.
He told me that he knew what the other players were saying and could understand their situation as well as mine. He said, however, that if I wanted to take soccer seriously, and if I wanted it to be a part of my life, then I would have to be much more confident. He knew that I was not the type of player who wanted all the glory or the attention. All that I looked to do was to help the team win, and that winning was my only goal. I could not let the negativity of others affect me. He told me he was skeptical about whether I was mentally tough enough to take the pressure of playing on varsity. He asked if playing on the JV would make me more comfortable. I told him I would sleep on it.
In my bed that night, all I could think about was that I had let this man down. Jon, the person who had believed in me since I was 6, was questioning his decision, and that ate at my soul. I felt guilty, but at the same time angry at myself. That night I realized that playing soccer in itself brought me so much joy, but even more than that, I loved competing. I loved winning and everything that came with it. I always strived to excel and believed that no matter what, I was the best player on the field. I would not let the thoughts and actions of others affect the way I felt or played. I was out there to make myself better and to give my team the best chance to win. The next day I told him I wanted to stay on varsity, and for the next four years I started every game and was elected captain my senior year.
Jon Kessler was a man whom I grew up with. He has been a part of my life since I was a small child and has stayed involved to this day. He taught me many life lessons I will never forget. Yet his greatest contribution to me was that he was the person who, for as long as I can remember, believed in me. He saw my talent and my drive early on and helped me see it in myself in my darkest moment. If it were not for him I do not believe I would have taken soccer as seriously as I do now. I’m glad to say that I plan to play soccer next year at either Rochester Institute of Technology or Colby College. I am confident that I will be able to affect the team immediately as soon as tryouts begin. For 18 years I have been influenced by many great people, but none have made a more lasting effect than the person I call my coach, my friend, but most important, my mentor, Jon Kessler.
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